Although it was only 5 years ago I was diagnosed with depression, the trigger’s of the depression can go back years. The mind has an ability of placing traumas in a box and seal the lid. You can go years without even thinking about the issue you faced but then comes along an illness strong enough to burst open that lid.
There is often more than one trigger that can cause a mental health issue. In my case there are several of causes which have built up and developed the depression.
About 7 months ago I wrote an article sharing one of the main contributors. 21 years ago yesterday, a two year period of physical and verbal bullying came to and end as a severe sexual assault. In the article ‘A trigger of my depression‘ you will see I had no support from authorities or counselling.
For a long time, I had moved on from the incident but at times, the slightest of thing can set the memories off, fear and nightmares follow. The depression loves to feed on the insecurity caused by the attack. It can be as close to reliving the whole attack again.
Today I had to submit some constructive criticism to a local newspaper. They reported about a Policeman who was jailed for raping a young boy. On Facebook, their social media guru decided it was okay to post a description of the attack on their status. This of course took away the choice of whether someone wanted to read about the attack. It is something I can find hard myself, albeit I would still support another victim if they came to me.
This of course brought it back for me and although I am trying to keep it caged at the back of my mind, I do not know if it will be possible when I am in bed tonight, tired and not being able to sleep.
It takes a long time to get anywhere near, over an ordeal like this. In most cases, you can learn to break the control it has over you but a mental illness can then give the control back to the trauma.
I am determined to win this battle. I am starting to find my stubbornness a little and from somewhere strength. Thank goodness for running because my Asics (running shoes) really have taken a battering, especially last night.
Tomorrow an article will be published at noon. It will reveal a more recent trigger/ stress that I have battled. It ill include some life changing news.