There is no doubt that 2017 has been the most difficult year of my life and the battle’s look to be going into 2018. That said, there has still been a lot that I am thankful for from new friendships to new experiences to a new found passion.
It has been a while since I last put an update on here. I know many have been concerned in the past and the support that I have received from you all has simply been amazing. I know many of you have kept me in your thoughts and the regular contact, appreciated. For anyone new to my blog, I have shared my battle with depression and anxiety. Thankfully this update ends on a happy note.
At the weekend, while I was on a short break visiting the Greenbelt festival. I took some much time out to embrace respite. During these periods, I used it as a time to reflect and refocus on what I have been through. One question that came to my mind is ‘do I see myself as a victim?’
Going along feeling nothing,
no rain, no wind, no flutters in the heart.
Treading through the deepened holes
on a path so unknown, so unreal.
Heavy legs, slumped arms, head a low,
looking into a tunnel of distraught.
Every step awaits the flames of hell,
a vision so focussed on a lifeless dark.
Aware of nothing but torment and mental agony,
a life deeply trodden in tar, marathon step by step.
Desires of little but endless dire,
Not knowing where life has gone so wrong but
accepting change must happen.
Only then do I awake in light of knowing
the suffering that I am going through.
Only soon can I seek help and put hold on the
downward spiral of depression in hold.
For those unaware, I am currently writing a book sharing my battle with depression, social anxiety and OCD (in the form of obsessive thinking). The book is coming along nicely and I start it off by talking a bit about the person I am.
The past 5 days have been the best in the last 5 or so months. I am far from 100% but I have experienced more clarity and calm with mental stability that I have felt for some time.