Running on emptiness

Going along feeling nothing,
no rain, no wind, no flutters in the heart.
Treading through the deepened holes
on a path so unknown, so unreal.
Heavy legs, slumped arms, head a low,
looking into a tunnel of distraught.
Every step awaits the flames of hell,
a vision so focussed on a lifeless dark.
Aware of nothing but torment and mental agony,
a life deeply trodden in tar, marathon step by step.
Desires of little but endless dire,
Not knowing where life has gone so wrong but
accepting change must happen.
Only then do I awake in light of knowing
the suffering that I am going through.
Only soon can I seek help and put hold on the
downward spiral of depression in hold.


What do you see?

What do you see when you look at me?
Is it an unlovable man whose loneliness consumes his heart.
What do you see when I walk through life?
Is it a man with demons whom ruin his soul?
What do you think when you see my scars?
That I am only am overweight, greedy arse.
Do you see my troubles or do I hide them well?
Is it noticeable when my soul has been wrecked by the dog and I fight to carry on?
Do I see what you see when I can’t keep going?
Sleepless nights and hurting days, some filled with numbness and little if no desire.
Why can’t I feel what you feel and see what you see and why can’t you see what I see and feel what I feel?
Through this storm I leave scars on my soul which weaken my life.
The darkness that overwhelms and brings no joy, continues on…

This poem is of course about the depression, written while I am suffering. I have tried to portray the anxiety and low self esteem. Some of it may not even make sense but so often my thought process when suffering does not always make sense.

One of the biggest things I currently suffer with is loneliness. Don’t get me wrong, I have loving parents and great friends but it is the loneliness of being single, of not being married and not having my own family. So often depression will play on this, it always finds your weakest point.





A sleepless battle

If you are like me and suffer from Insomnia, you might relate to these words. It is a poem I wrote at 2am. I do not claim to be Wordsworth but on the other hand, I do enjoy writing poetry, even if I break the rules.

A sleepless battle.

I lay here at night
wondering when the eyes will shut.
The darkness as bright as day
or at least that is how it feels.
I lay here at night
trying to rest one’s mind.
Switch off dear mind
allow me to rest and assure me of sleep.For the battle commences
Zero, Zero, one, two, three am pass.
The night becomes morning
soon you get to sleep but with
little time to spare
For only then, the alarm will scream.
You then awake weary eyed
dig through the day wondering when
sleep will arrive.
Will it be tonight, tomorrow or never?
When will sleep arrive?