Depression

Living with OCD

One of the symptoms I struggle with is OCD – Obsessive compulsive disorder. For myself personally, this comes in the form of Obsessive thinking and simply not being able to switch the mind off. It often causes over thinking and mental exhaustion. It is most common at night when you are tired and want to sleep. You then find you cannot sleep and insomnia kicks in.

The best way I can describe it is this; picture a filing cabinet. It is full, a draw is broken and it will not shut. My mind is that draw, it has a lot going on inside and all the topics are various but link up. You then lie there at night and time and time again the same thing goes through your mind. It is very often just one thing on a continuous repeat, sometimes there can be more than one thing but not often.

Very often, the issue that you are laying there, worrying about is not even that important. It can be something someone has said and you either take it out of context or not. You cannot get it out of your mind. It can be a worry like family, a fear or anxiety of an upcoming event to name but a few.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, time and time again from 10pm until 0200am or longer. It is the same thing or a set of things going through and through your mind. It is always nearly the same words too. You can try to change them, change what you think but your mind goes back to the same thing.

There are distraction techniques such as breathing exercises. You can try and read a book but often you stare at a page, and still think the same thing, over and over. It really is exhausting. You end up giving up fighting and go through the whole motion of repetitive thinking. That is until your mind finally goes to sleep.

Although it mainly happens at night. It can happen during the day. It depends on how tired the mind is and how bad the depression is. It is a vicious circle too. If you are tired/ exhausted, there is more chance of the depression taking hold and being worse.

 

Living with OCD

Living with OCD
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