The Christmas food shop

The shopping list written and trolley in hand
it’s time to hunt down the edible festive delights.
Enough seasonal food to last a fortnight yet
consumed within 48 hours.

Marmite flavored twigs along with nuts that
are often abandoned and then there is the
choice of added port with the cranberry sauce
and let’s buy the tasteless bread sauce.

Every type of veg is loaded from green fart balls
to woody parsnips.
Pork wrapped in pork and posh stuffing which
contains more pork and herbs that we avoid all

Soft drinks and mixers with booze in quantities
to open a bargain booze.
No more Mr. Milkman delivering a pint of
orange juice, soft pop and milk.

Double cream, single cream, whipped cream,
baileys flavoured cream, Squirty cream.
Fresh custard and back up custard. Goodness
know’ why there are 10 different cheese’s when
three is suffice!

Next it is to the Turkey aisle. Each year we forget
what size we should buy and make sure we get a
13 person sized bird for a meal for five. It is amazing
how we can never remember the size of the oven when
selecting our turkey!

The queue is next, a massive queue where no one
manages to keep their trolley straight. To the right
is the granny social club clogging up the aisle. In front
the person with a thousand coupons and to the left,
the shopper who forgot the cheese biscuits.

Once home and unloaded only then do you remember
the several items you forgot. Usually batteries or a panic
that 24 pints of milk, 30 loafs of bread and the Turkey
will not be enough for Christmas Day.

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