What do you see when you look at me?
Is it an unlovable man whose loneliness consumes his heart.
What do you see when I walk through life?
Is it a man with demons whom ruin his soul?
What do you think when you see my scars?
That I am only am overweight, greedy arse.
Do you see my troubles or do I hide them well?
Is it noticeable when my soul has been wrecked by the dog and I fight to carry on?
Do I see what you see when I can’t keep going?
Sleepless nights and hurting days, some filled with numbness and little if no desire.
Why can’t I feel what you feel and see what you see and why can’t you see what I see and feel what I feel?
Through this storm I leave scars on my soul which weaken my life.
The darkness that overwhelms and brings no joy, continues on…
This poem is of course about the depression, written while I am suffering. I have tried to portray the anxiety and low self esteem. Some of it may not even make sense but so often my thought process when suffering does not always make sense.
One of the biggest things I currently suffer with is loneliness. Don’t get me wrong, I have loving parents and great friends but it is the loneliness of being single, of not being married and not having my own family. So often depression will play on this, it always finds your weakest point.